Well, it happened.

I had been going back and forth about how much I should work so that I could balance studying for my boards and so on...R and I had talked on multiple occasions and had come to the decision that he'd support me while I was between jobs and to not really worry about continuing to work per diem as an Aide. But, I still wanted to pick up a shift or two a week so that I could keep my "foot in the door" so to speak, keep some money flowing into my account and finally just to have something to do! Unfortunately, the decision was made for me.

I walked into work today. My nurse manager and two clinical coordinators were sitting in the back room, assumably having a meeting of some sort. I apologized for interrupting and told them I was just putting my bag down. They started with some small talk. But, I could feel there was something more. Something they just didn't want to tell me. That's when my nurse manager said, "I'm sorry but I am not allowed to have you work here per diem anymore." They all told me they thought I was an awesome employee, they'd all be happy to write me recommendations, etc.

But it still stung.

A call would have been nice. That way I didn't have to get myself ready and head in there for nothing. But, it is what it is. I honestly think they had no clue of the enforcement of the "no working past RN school graduation" but it's clear they are now enforcing it.

They told me how my name was floating around and they was sure I would be hired there. I told them that I had accepted a job elsewhere. They were all very happy for me. It's just unfortunate that that job does not begin until July 25th. That's a little less than two months away. Two months without making any money.

This is a first in the history of my life. I have been working since I was 15 years old. Always bringing in some sort of income to support myself. Surely, my mom (and at the time, Dad) had supported me as well. But, there's just something different about making and brining in your own money.

Sure enough, Mom and R both told me that it would be fine and they'd help me however I may need help. I am eternally grateful for that, I couldn't imagine what would happen without that support! Yet, I still feel this deep sting.

A chapter in my life is now closed. I learned so much in both Critical Care units. I met some truly wonderful nurses, doctors and others. I will miss them all and I wish there was some way to say good-bye to them all. I have seen some really interesting cases and procedures alike. I am completely and totally grateful for the (almost) year of experience I had. I learned and I grew so much. I know another door is opening soon, and for that I am thankful.

mind dump

• I thought I'd be completely stress-free once I found out I had a job. But, nope. Can't seem to get a handle on this transition period. I don't begin until July 25th. Hours at my old job (because I was told there was a loophole and that I am allowed to) are virtually non-existent, we've actually shut ICU down twice because lack of patients! 
• My prayers and heart go out to the people of Joplin, MO. My great-aunt and great-uncle live, literally, 5 minutes from where the tornado touched down. Such devastation; I couldn't begin to imagine!
• R is seeming to really like his new job. I'm so happy for him! He is still working as a pharmacy tech, at his old job, to get the new people trained. Then he'll cut back to per diem and work here and there. 
• Mom and I weeded and mulched about 3/4 of the flower beds at her house. I so don't have a green thumb, nor do I ever really want one. The bugs, the heat, the sweat...ya not my thing!
• R and I have begun house hunting again. The first time we really prayed and did not feel it was the right time. I was still only working per diem and it would have been very tight. So we decided to wait until I got an RN position. Once I get my first few checks as an RN we will go get pre-qualified. Then we can begin the serious hunting. To say I am excited is a complete understatement!

Okay, not as much on my mind as I thought. 

Until next time :) 

Back At It

It is clear that I have neglected this blog for some time in the recent months  (maybe, year?!). Nursing school has gotten the best of me. Truly though, there was only so much I could add to my plate before it was overloaded. This was one of the things that just had to go. But, come this Thursday, the day of my FINAL nursing final I will have my life back again. YAY!

In a sense it feels so surreal. These past two years have literally flown by. In the midst of this program there were times I felt utterly and completely overwhelmed, I felt burnt out, and frustrated. Yet, other times the feeling of “This is what I am supposed to be doing” overwhelmed me. I felt a strong sense of peace as stressful as it was at times. Believe me, nursing school was no “walk in the park” but it has taught me a lot about myself. I have grown so much. To think a little over two years ago when I had just lost my father, I contemplated even submitting my application.

Thank goodness I did.

I couldn’t imagine doing anything else. I love nursing. I love the history behind it and yet, how far the medical field still has to come. This is my “helping” outlet. I have always craved helping people. This is my shot to make a difference.

Unfortunately, as joyous as these last few weeks have been I have also felt an incredible amount of excess stress. The job market is bleak. Let’s face it; it is bad in most professions. Hospitals and other facilities are making do with what they have. The “nursing shortage” in which everyone speaks of is true, just walk into any hospital and ask the nurses. They know it’s true. Yet, the financial burden of increasing full-time benefited employees just out-weighs the benefits (in many instances). Hospitals instead opt for per-diem employees that can “fill the gaps.” I am currently a per-diem employee, so I know the drill, there are TONS of hours available. Many of these hours could be “lumped” together into a 24, 32 or 36 hour position, but that means giving another employee benefits when they don’t need to.

The most unfortunate thing of it all is I cannot be per diem as a graduate nurse. Most hospitals only hire experienced nurses for those positions. The other kicker is, come May 21^st, graduation day, I am not allowed to work as a PCA as I am currently doing. Our hospital has rules in place stating you must work to your highest degree (or license). So for me, I am in a holding pattern. Praying, crossing my fingers and just hoping something opens up. I know it will, I just need to be patient.

In other news, in an attempt to take some stress off my plate and distract myself from the fact that I do not have a job yet, I have been wedding planning! We visited a few venues for our reception and decided to have it at the Officers Club at the Coast Guard Academy. Thank goodness my Poppy is retired Navy so he can be our “Sponsor”! I love the views, the facility, the event coordinator and I’ve heard the food is superb! And to top it all off it is reasonably priced! I’m sorry but $115 (+26% in taxes and service charges) a head for one meal is outrageous!

So currently the reception location is booked and our church is booked. Two major pieces checked off my list! Yahoo!

Well, I must continue (or ahem….START) studying for my final, which is tomorrow! Eek! By this time tomorrow I will be D.O.N.E!

What an awesome feeling!

beauty.

Meet C. She is my first niece and she will always hold a special place in my heart. She is so caring, thoughtful and intelligent. She has always blown me away with her wonderful disposition. She is a ball full of fun, loving energy and she has a adorable smile that truly captivates any audience. I love that she is much like I was as a child. I love when we are out in public I constantly hear "You have such a beautiful daughter!" (even though that would mean I would have been 15 years old when I had her, although its possible, it's totally NOT TRUE!) I love that she loves to do the things I do and most of all I love that I am her one and only "Auntie."


C.G you have captured my heart, you are a true beauty. 

Tantrum.

I uploaded all of my pictures off of my Nikon today and as I was going through them I found these gems that I snapped when we were visiting in January...

1. perfectly content.
2. frustration sets in.
3. full blown tantrum.

Poor little, adorable H. They were just too cute not to post, someday she'll thank me for reminding her of her, ahem, dramatic childhood.

Wordless Wednesday.

Love.Love.Love

"What the world needs now is love, sweet love.

It's the only thing that there's just too little of.."

Happy Valentine's Day to you and yours!

PS. don't forget to...

spread the L.O.V.E