Back At It

It is clear that I have neglected this blog for some time in the recent months  (maybe, year?!). Nursing school has gotten the best of me. Truly though, there was only so much I could add to my plate before it was overloaded. This was one of the things that just had to go. But, come this Thursday, the day of my FINAL nursing final I will have my life back again. YAY!

In a sense it feels so surreal. These past two years have literally flown by. In the midst of this program there were times I felt utterly and completely overwhelmed, I felt burnt out, and frustrated. Yet, other times the feeling of “This is what I am supposed to be doing” overwhelmed me. I felt a strong sense of peace as stressful as it was at times. Believe me, nursing school was no “walk in the park” but it has taught me a lot about myself. I have grown so much. To think a little over two years ago when I had just lost my father, I contemplated even submitting my application.

Thank goodness I did.

I couldn’t imagine doing anything else. I love nursing. I love the history behind it and yet, how far the medical field still has to come. This is my “helping” outlet. I have always craved helping people. This is my shot to make a difference.

Unfortunately, as joyous as these last few weeks have been I have also felt an incredible amount of excess stress. The job market is bleak. Let’s face it; it is bad in most professions. Hospitals and other facilities are making do with what they have. The “nursing shortage” in which everyone speaks of is true, just walk into any hospital and ask the nurses. They know it’s true. Yet, the financial burden of increasing full-time benefited employees just out-weighs the benefits (in many instances). Hospitals instead opt for per-diem employees that can “fill the gaps.” I am currently a per-diem employee, so I know the drill, there are TONS of hours available. Many of these hours could be “lumped” together into a 24, 32 or 36 hour position, but that means giving another employee benefits when they don’t need to.

The most unfortunate thing of it all is I cannot be per diem as a graduate nurse. Most hospitals only hire experienced nurses for those positions. The other kicker is, come May 21^st, graduation day, I am not allowed to work as a PCA as I am currently doing. Our hospital has rules in place stating you must work to your highest degree (or license). So for me, I am in a holding pattern. Praying, crossing my fingers and just hoping something opens up. I know it will, I just need to be patient.

In other news, in an attempt to take some stress off my plate and distract myself from the fact that I do not have a job yet, I have been wedding planning! We visited a few venues for our reception and decided to have it at the Officers Club at the Coast Guard Academy. Thank goodness my Poppy is retired Navy so he can be our “Sponsor”! I love the views, the facility, the event coordinator and I’ve heard the food is superb! And to top it all off it is reasonably priced! I’m sorry but $115 (+26% in taxes and service charges) a head for one meal is outrageous!

So currently the reception location is booked and our church is booked. Two major pieces checked off my list! Yahoo!

Well, I must continue (or ahem….START) studying for my final, which is tomorrow! Eek! By this time tomorrow I will be D.O.N.E!

What an awesome feeling!

beauty.

Meet C. She is my first niece and she will always hold a special place in my heart. She is so caring, thoughtful and intelligent. She has always blown me away with her wonderful disposition. She is a ball full of fun, loving energy and she has a adorable smile that truly captivates any audience. I love that she is much like I was as a child. I love when we are out in public I constantly hear "You have such a beautiful daughter!" (even though that would mean I would have been 15 years old when I had her, although its possible, it's totally NOT TRUE!) I love that she loves to do the things I do and most of all I love that I am her one and only "Auntie."


C.G you have captured my heart, you are a true beauty. 

Tantrum.

I uploaded all of my pictures off of my Nikon today and as I was going through them I found these gems that I snapped when we were visiting in January...

1. perfectly content.
2. frustration sets in.
3. full blown tantrum.

Poor little, adorable H. They were just too cute not to post, someday she'll thank me for reminding her of her, ahem, dramatic childhood.

Wordless Wednesday.

Love.Love.Love

"What the world needs now is love, sweet love.

It's the only thing that there's just too little of.."

Happy Valentine's Day to you and yours!

PS. don't forget to...

spread the L.O.V.E  

Sunshine.

February 8^th 2009.

That day was the end of life as I knew it. For 19 tender years I always had a mom and a dad to fall back on. They truly were there for me no matter what. Supported me and all my crazy ideas. They held me when I cried and celebrated every accomplishment, big and small.  My parents truly built me a wonderful foundation to grow on, it is something I will always cherish. They gave me every opportunity a child could ever dream of.

On February 8^th 2009,  my foundation was really shaken. down. to. the. core.

I had to say good-bye to part of that wonderful foundation, my Dad. I can honestly say that watching my Dad take his final breath of life was the hardest thing that I have ever had to endure, thus far.  But, far harder yet is moving on without him.

Sure, I am thankful he is pain-free. Basking in the glory of heaven. Up there chattin’ it up with Mimi, Wowo and Gar and all those that have gone before. No matter the comfort that brings, my heart still aches.

I still miss him.

One profound thing that I remember from an otherwise blurry day was when my grandpa “Poppy” gave me a hug right as he saw me standing in the hallway crying. It was a strong, manly hug. The type my Dad was famous for and the ones I truly long for. He told me something that sounds so simple, but yet is so deep, “The sun will still shine tomorrow, don’t ever forget that.”

And you know what? It’s so, so, so true.

Just as the sun sets every night it will always raise the next.

Just because my dad is gone, life still goes on. At first, that was a difficult idea to swallow. As the days turned into weeks, months and now a year the grief has reduced in intensity. The sadness ebbs and flows and as it does I always remember that. No matter what, the sun will shine tomorrow. It doesn’t matter how sad I am, no matter how angry I may be that he was taken before “my time”…

The sun will always shine…

My dad was a constant in my life. Just as the sun is. I could always count on his presence. He was always there. Always cheering me on and cheering me up. I couldn’t  have imagined my life without him. But now that I have been forced to move on without him I am ever more thankful for the memories we had made.

Memories that will always be here, just like the sun; no matter what, they’ll still shine tomorrow. 

I am still here.

No, I did not fall off the face of the Earth. I have just been consumed by my med-surg, materinty, med math and pharmacology books and lectures. And soon to be, clinicals. 

This semester has just been kicking my butt! It is 10X or maybe 20X more intense than the last semester, I can’t say I wasn’t warned though. Everyone I had talked to (upper classmen) had said, be prepared…the second and third semesters are the hardest. First semester was a cake walk, really, compared to this semester. This past Friday we had not only our validations- foleys, NGs, IV piggybacks (which I passed! thank goodness!) but we also had our med math test! (mind you if you don't pass the med-math test with a 90 or better you are given the boot out of the program!) In the same day.

Pure craziness.

I know the professors aren’t trying to weed us out, they just have SO much to get in before we get thrown back into clinical. Which leads me to my next update.

I start clinicals again tomorrow! I am so excited. I am so ready for some new challenges. I will be at the same (local!) hospital as last semester. That is awesome because the 6am start time would be a killer if I had a long commute! We are going to be on floor 6.2 which is the oncology unit. This will personally challenging for me. I spent many of days/weeks/months with my dad on this floor. But I know my dad would be proud that I am helping out people that are as sick as he was. I know the nurses were always the ones that made such a difference for my dad.

Mom is visiting our newest little family member right now! My Uncle Sean and his wife Aunt Kerrie welcomed a new little baby boy: Sloan Michael Glynn Patrick. He is adorable and my mom is having a blast, I hear!

Well that’s it for now. I must march on with my studying, we have our first lecture exam on Wednesday and because Monday and Tuesday I will be all tied up at clinical orientation I must get a lot of my studying accomplished today. I will leave you with an adorable picture to enjoy and honestly I hope to update my blog soon. I have lots of pictures to share and can’t wait to have the time to do so!