Well, it happened.

I had been going back and forth about how much I should work so that I could balance studying for my boards and so on...R and I had talked on multiple occasions and had come to the decision that he'd support me while I was between jobs and to not really worry about continuing to work per diem as an Aide. But, I still wanted to pick up a shift or two a week so that I could keep my "foot in the door" so to speak, keep some money flowing into my account and finally just to have something to do! Unfortunately, the decision was made for me.

I walked into work today. My nurse manager and two clinical coordinators were sitting in the back room, assumably having a meeting of some sort. I apologized for interrupting and told them I was just putting my bag down. They started with some small talk. But, I could feel there was something more. Something they just didn't want to tell me. That's when my nurse manager said, "I'm sorry but I am not allowed to have you work here per diem anymore." They all told me they thought I was an awesome employee, they'd all be happy to write me recommendations, etc.

But it still stung.

A call would have been nice. That way I didn't have to get myself ready and head in there for nothing. But, it is what it is. I honestly think they had no clue of the enforcement of the "no working past RN school graduation" but it's clear they are now enforcing it.

They told me how my name was floating around and they was sure I would be hired there. I told them that I had accepted a job elsewhere. They were all very happy for me. It's just unfortunate that that job does not begin until July 25th. That's a little less than two months away. Two months without making any money.

This is a first in the history of my life. I have been working since I was 15 years old. Always bringing in some sort of income to support myself. Surely, my mom (and at the time, Dad) had supported me as well. But, there's just something different about making and brining in your own money.

Sure enough, Mom and R both told me that it would be fine and they'd help me however I may need help. I am eternally grateful for that, I couldn't imagine what would happen without that support! Yet, I still feel this deep sting.

A chapter in my life is now closed. I learned so much in both Critical Care units. I met some truly wonderful nurses, doctors and others. I will miss them all and I wish there was some way to say good-bye to them all. I have seen some really interesting cases and procedures alike. I am completely and totally grateful for the (almost) year of experience I had. I learned and I grew so much. I know another door is opening soon, and for that I am thankful.

mind dump

• I thought I'd be completely stress-free once I found out I had a job. But, nope. Can't seem to get a handle on this transition period. I don't begin until July 25th. Hours at my old job (because I was told there was a loophole and that I am allowed to) are virtually non-existent, we've actually shut ICU down twice because lack of patients! 
• My prayers and heart go out to the people of Joplin, MO. My great-aunt and great-uncle live, literally, 5 minutes from where the tornado touched down. Such devastation; I couldn't begin to imagine!
• R is seeming to really like his new job. I'm so happy for him! He is still working as a pharmacy tech, at his old job, to get the new people trained. Then he'll cut back to per diem and work here and there. 
• Mom and I weeded and mulched about 3/4 of the flower beds at her house. I so don't have a green thumb, nor do I ever really want one. The bugs, the heat, the sweat...ya not my thing!
• R and I have begun house hunting again. The first time we really prayed and did not feel it was the right time. I was still only working per diem and it would have been very tight. So we decided to wait until I got an RN position. Once I get my first few checks as an RN we will go get pre-qualified. Then we can begin the serious hunting. To say I am excited is a complete understatement!

Okay, not as much on my mind as I thought. 

Until next time :) 

Back At It

It is clear that I have neglected this blog for some time in the recent months  (maybe, year?!). Nursing school has gotten the best of me. Truly though, there was only so much I could add to my plate before it was overloaded. This was one of the things that just had to go. But, come this Thursday, the day of my FINAL nursing final I will have my life back again. YAY!

In a sense it feels so surreal. These past two years have literally flown by. In the midst of this program there were times I felt utterly and completely overwhelmed, I felt burnt out, and frustrated. Yet, other times the feeling of “This is what I am supposed to be doing” overwhelmed me. I felt a strong sense of peace as stressful as it was at times. Believe me, nursing school was no “walk in the park” but it has taught me a lot about myself. I have grown so much. To think a little over two years ago when I had just lost my father, I contemplated even submitting my application.

Thank goodness I did.

I couldn’t imagine doing anything else. I love nursing. I love the history behind it and yet, how far the medical field still has to come. This is my “helping” outlet. I have always craved helping people. This is my shot to make a difference.

Unfortunately, as joyous as these last few weeks have been I have also felt an incredible amount of excess stress. The job market is bleak. Let’s face it; it is bad in most professions. Hospitals and other facilities are making do with what they have. The “nursing shortage” in which everyone speaks of is true, just walk into any hospital and ask the nurses. They know it’s true. Yet, the financial burden of increasing full-time benefited employees just out-weighs the benefits (in many instances). Hospitals instead opt for per-diem employees that can “fill the gaps.” I am currently a per-diem employee, so I know the drill, there are TONS of hours available. Many of these hours could be “lumped” together into a 24, 32 or 36 hour position, but that means giving another employee benefits when they don’t need to.

The most unfortunate thing of it all is I cannot be per diem as a graduate nurse. Most hospitals only hire experienced nurses for those positions. The other kicker is, come May 21^st, graduation day, I am not allowed to work as a PCA as I am currently doing. Our hospital has rules in place stating you must work to your highest degree (or license). So for me, I am in a holding pattern. Praying, crossing my fingers and just hoping something opens up. I know it will, I just need to be patient.

In other news, in an attempt to take some stress off my plate and distract myself from the fact that I do not have a job yet, I have been wedding planning! We visited a few venues for our reception and decided to have it at the Officers Club at the Coast Guard Academy. Thank goodness my Poppy is retired Navy so he can be our “Sponsor”! I love the views, the facility, the event coordinator and I’ve heard the food is superb! And to top it all off it is reasonably priced! I’m sorry but $115 (+26% in taxes and service charges) a head for one meal is outrageous!

So currently the reception location is booked and our church is booked. Two major pieces checked off my list! Yahoo!

Well, I must continue (or ahem….START) studying for my final, which is tomorrow! Eek! By this time tomorrow I will be D.O.N.E!

What an awesome feeling!

beauty.

Meet C. She is my first niece and she will always hold a special place in my heart. She is so caring, thoughtful and intelligent. She has always blown me away with her wonderful disposition. She is a ball full of fun, loving energy and she has a adorable smile that truly captivates any audience. I love that she is much like I was as a child. I love when we are out in public I constantly hear "You have such a beautiful daughter!" (even though that would mean I would have been 15 years old when I had her, although its possible, it's totally NOT TRUE!) I love that she loves to do the things I do and most of all I love that I am her one and only "Auntie."


C.G you have captured my heart, you are a true beauty. 

Tantrum.

I uploaded all of my pictures off of my Nikon today and as I was going through them I found these gems that I snapped when we were visiting in January...

1. perfectly content.
2. frustration sets in.
3. full blown tantrum.

Poor little, adorable H. They were just too cute not to post, someday she'll thank me for reminding her of her, ahem, dramatic childhood.

Wordless Wednesday.

Love.Love.Love

"What the world needs now is love, sweet love.

It's the only thing that there's just too little of.."

Happy Valentine's Day to you and yours!

PS. don't forget to...

spread the L.O.V.E  

Sunshine.

February 8^th 2009.

That day was the end of life as I knew it. For 19 tender years I always had a mom and a dad to fall back on. They truly were there for me no matter what. Supported me and all my crazy ideas. They held me when I cried and celebrated every accomplishment, big and small.  My parents truly built me a wonderful foundation to grow on, it is something I will always cherish. They gave me every opportunity a child could ever dream of.

On February 8^th 2009,  my foundation was really shaken. down. to. the. core.

I had to say good-bye to part of that wonderful foundation, my Dad. I can honestly say that watching my Dad take his final breath of life was the hardest thing that I have ever had to endure, thus far.  But, far harder yet is moving on without him.

Sure, I am thankful he is pain-free. Basking in the glory of heaven. Up there chattin’ it up with Mimi, Wowo and Gar and all those that have gone before. No matter the comfort that brings, my heart still aches.

I still miss him.

One profound thing that I remember from an otherwise blurry day was when my grandpa “Poppy” gave me a hug right as he saw me standing in the hallway crying. It was a strong, manly hug. The type my Dad was famous for and the ones I truly long for. He told me something that sounds so simple, but yet is so deep, “The sun will still shine tomorrow, don’t ever forget that.”

And you know what? It’s so, so, so true.

Just as the sun sets every night it will always raise the next.

Just because my dad is gone, life still goes on. At first, that was a difficult idea to swallow. As the days turned into weeks, months and now a year the grief has reduced in intensity. The sadness ebbs and flows and as it does I always remember that. No matter what, the sun will shine tomorrow. It doesn’t matter how sad I am, no matter how angry I may be that he was taken before “my time”…

The sun will always shine…

My dad was a constant in my life. Just as the sun is. I could always count on his presence. He was always there. Always cheering me on and cheering me up. I couldn’t  have imagined my life without him. But now that I have been forced to move on without him I am ever more thankful for the memories we had made.

Memories that will always be here, just like the sun; no matter what, they’ll still shine tomorrow. 

I am still here.

No, I did not fall off the face of the Earth. I have just been consumed by my med-surg, materinty, med math and pharmacology books and lectures. And soon to be, clinicals. 

This semester has just been kicking my butt! It is 10X or maybe 20X more intense than the last semester, I can’t say I wasn’t warned though. Everyone I had talked to (upper classmen) had said, be prepared…the second and third semesters are the hardest. First semester was a cake walk, really, compared to this semester. This past Friday we had not only our validations- foleys, NGs, IV piggybacks (which I passed! thank goodness!) but we also had our med math test! (mind you if you don't pass the med-math test with a 90 or better you are given the boot out of the program!) In the same day.

Pure craziness.

I know the professors aren’t trying to weed us out, they just have SO much to get in before we get thrown back into clinical. Which leads me to my next update.

I start clinicals again tomorrow! I am so excited. I am so ready for some new challenges. I will be at the same (local!) hospital as last semester. That is awesome because the 6am start time would be a killer if I had a long commute! We are going to be on floor 6.2 which is the oncology unit. This will personally challenging for me. I spent many of days/weeks/months with my dad on this floor. But I know my dad would be proud that I am helping out people that are as sick as he was. I know the nurses were always the ones that made such a difference for my dad.

Mom is visiting our newest little family member right now! My Uncle Sean and his wife Aunt Kerrie welcomed a new little baby boy: Sloan Michael Glynn Patrick. He is adorable and my mom is having a blast, I hear!

Well that’s it for now. I must march on with my studying, we have our first lecture exam on Wednesday and because Monday and Tuesday I will be all tied up at clinical orientation I must get a lot of my studying accomplished today. I will leave you with an adorable picture to enjoy and honestly I hope to update my blog soon. I have lots of pictures to share and can’t wait to have the time to do so!

Beginnings.

This post has been a long time coming. 

Quite honestly, I would have loved to post this earlier but given the circumstances regarding my friends mom (who is doing better, by the way! Thanks for those who lifted her up in prayer!) and the wonderful trip I just got home from I just simply have not had time.

So here goes nothing. Last year, around this exact time, my family and I were dealing with some pretty tough things. Dad was in the hospital and he was down right sick. I was Sad. Confused. Hopeful. Worried. Scared and Blessed all at the same time. But, at that point in my life I was unable to sit down and determine what I goals I wanted to pursue in 2009. Don’t get me wrong, no one ever really sticks with their “new years resolutions” but I hadn’t even put thought into them. My mind was swirling with creatine levels, WBC counts and the like all while still attending school full-time.

It wasn’t as though I didn’t accomplish anything. I grew immensely in this past year, I was forced to. This year I want to make goals and try my hardest to stick to them. And, this time I want to do it for myself.

There are different aspects of myself that are sub-par in my opinion. I know we are all a “work-in-progress” but there are areas within my life that I really want to focus on. We’ll call them my trouble spots.

Trouble spot #1: Praying. I want to pray more. I always turn to God when the going gets tough but not as much when things are just going at their everyday pace. That is something that I know needs to change. I know that I feel less anxious and more peaceful when I pray, so that is something that I will be doing more of in 2010. That brings me to…

Trouble spot #2: Anxiety. I have made great strides in the past year to grabbing a hold of my anxiety issue. I now have a fantastic counselor and see her weekly (sometimes bi-weekly). She has really helped me grab hold of my anxiety and learn why I worry about what I worry about and how to stop all the unnecessary thoughts. This year, I want to work towards a healthy anxiety level. As I have learned, anxiety is essential to life, but it is all in moderation.

Trouble spot #3: Exercise. This year I am going to exercise consistently. Consistency is key for me. I love working out; I love how I feel when I am working out and I love how I feel after I work out. Its an instant self-confidence booster for me. But, as soon as I get out of my pattern it’s all down hill. I need to get into the groove and stay in that groove. no.matter.what.

Trouble spot # 4. Food. Yes, food is tricky. We need it to live, yet you have too much and you pack on the pounds. Believe me, I know first hand. I don’t want to just diet. I want to change my eating habits. I’m talking an entire overhaul. Less of the refined stuff. The yucky white stuff: white flour and white sugar. Less of the processed foods. Back to the natural stuff. The naturally good stuff. I know how unhealthy fast food and processed food is, so why eat it!? This is something I will strive for throughout the year. I’m going to do it in steps…month by month. I will start by eliminating things just for a month. For instance: the first month I will eliminate all diet soda (I only drink diet anyways) and so on. Then if for that month I really truly, feel better without the said item I’ll include eliminating it with the next thing. I still don’t have my list up but I know a few that will be included: white sugar/flour, fast food, fried food etc. Clear as mud? Well I will be using this trusty little blog to keep me on target so keep posted and maybe, just maybe it will make more sense ;)

That just about wraps up my new year’s goals. I really hope to use my blog to help me stay accountable in attaining these goals. I am looking forward to the challenge but I am also looking forward to the rewards that will be in store once I reach my goals.

I hope you all have fantastic goals in mind too. The New Year brings about new beginnings, and let’s face it…

...those are never a bad thing.

Is it just me?

...or do you want to just sqeeze those cheeks?!

That's what I thought. No worries, I'm doing enough cheek squeezin' for all of us!

the good & the bad.

Well no, I haven’t fallen off the face of the blogging world. Thanks for asking!


As I am sure most of you know...life always comes with good times and bad times.

I’ll start with the good:

The new year came and went. M, J, CB and I all traveled to bean town the new years’ eve eve. We came back home the new years eve. Boston was a blast. We walked around the city, ate dinner at the Hard Rock Café and then spent the evening relaxing at the hotel. We got up early the next day, got breakfast and then hit the road because quite a large snow storm was rolling in. As it was our drive home was  a wee bit dicey. Luckily we all made it home in one piece. We had planned on spending new years eve in the city but you know how the best laid plans go…

So instead we decided to go out for a delicious dinner at a fancy Italian restaurant. It was delicious! Then we spent some time at our friend S's house. And finally ended our night at my house with a sleep over.

us girls on New Years Eve :) 

____________________________________________________________

I’m blogging from the Nashville airport, you got that right…

Mom, P & I are all on our way to see my sister and company. It will be fantastic. Albeit it’s cold here and there is forecasted snow for Thursday, go figure. We head south and the snow follows! That’s alright, we’re used to it. I am beyond excited to see my sister, the girls and my brother-in-law. My niece, CG, is psyched for us to get there! She told my mom the other day on the phone, “Mem, you are going to be here in not one not two but THREE DAYS!” My mom said the excitement in her voice was adorable. I can’t wait. I haven’t seen them since June….its been too long!

____________________________________________________________

And now for the bad:

My best friend,M, whom I’ve mentioned on and off here on my blog has a very sick mom. Her mom suffers from alcoholism and it has been a constant struggle from both ends. Unfortunately, she has ended up in the hospital. Without giving away too many personal details it’ll suffice to say she is very sick.

It is very difficult for me to not only see her mom as sick as she is but to also see M so completely heartbroken. Mostly because I happen to know what she is going through. Having a parent very sick is a very difficult to deal with. It is your duty, as a child,  to care for your parents but being young adults we also have our own lives. It’s difficult to strike a balance. I have been trying to guide her; making sure she eats, sleeps and asks all the necessary questions. One good thing is (if you could say there is even a “good” in this situation) her mom is on the same floor in the hospital where I did my clinicals. All (well, most) nurses and pca’s recognize me and are more than willing to go out of the way for M and her family, not to mention they let me help out a bit with the simple tasks, like helping her to the bathroom. It works out well and I’m thankful she is on that floor.

It was a difficult decision for me to decide to leave M and her family and visit my sister. But, I felt as though this is where I have to be. If things go “south” (so to speak) quickly then I’ll be on the next plane home. But in the meantime, as she is stable, I will try my hardest to go about enjoying this trip. We need this family time.

Please, as you go about your day today, take some time to pray for my friend’s mom. She really needs prayers.

So as 2010 sets in there is both good and bad, but such is life.

By the way... No worries here, I have some new year’s posts in the works chocked full of new years goals and aspirations! Plus some great posts with absolutely adorable pictures of my two (favorite!) girls! Just hang in there and bear with me!

Homemade Chex Mix

My dad wasn't one to bake or cook, for that matter. But, there was one time of the year that he would cook. That was the day of our "Cookie Day" that we have once a year around Christmas. My dad (and later, and sometimes, with the help of my brother) would make homemade Chex Mix. Let's just say we always double or triple the recipe because it's that good. 


Because this is the first Christmas without my dad I figured I'd carry on the tradition and make the Chex Mix. I was ready to do it the old fashioned way until I read the box and realized they had a microwave way! Let's just say, I was excited!


Without further ado here is the microwave version of homemade chex mix:


First gather all your ingredients:

3	cups Corn Chex cereal
3	cups Rice Chex cereal
3	cups Wheat Chex cereal
1	cup mixed nuts
1	cup bite-size pretzels
1	cup garlic-flavor bite-size bagel chips or regular-size bagel chips, broken into 1-inch pieces--i didn't have them so i just omitted them :)
6	tablespoons butter or margarine
2	tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
1 1/2	teaspoons seasoned salt
3/4	teaspoon garlic powder
1/2	teaspoon onion powder First mix together the 3 cups of Corn chex, 3 cups of Rice Chex, 3 cups Wheat Chex , 1 cup mixed nuts, 1 cup bite sized pretzels in a large microwavable bowl like so:

Next mix together all the other ingredients and place in a (smaller) microwavable bowl and microwave for 40 seconds. Until everything is melted. Mine took about a minute. Then take it out and stir it. Until it looks like so: 

Now pour the liquid seasoning mixture over the dry mixture. Stir until combined. Then place the large bowl into the microwave for 2 minutes then stir. then another 2 minutes then stir. then another 2 minutes then stir. (6 minutes; stopping to stir every 2 minutes). Then place in a single layer on paper towels for an hour like so:

Then store in an airtight container. ENJOY! :) 


This recipe is from the Chex website. Here's the link:Chex MIx

Sugar Cookies

This year we didn't do our typical "cookie day." Quite frankly, Mom didn't want all those sweets around. But I just couldn't let the season go by without making any Christmas cookies. I found this really awesome recipe for sugar cookies: here.

They came out spectacular. This was my first time with egg-whiteless royal icing and I will never again use egg-whites. It came out perfect!

M and I made these, we didn't realize we had NO Christmas colored sprinkles. We got by with the purple, blue and pink sprinkles. I swear we can make anything work ;)

Then next day I decided to whip up another batch (because thats just how easy they were!) and I had spare time on my hands. I was more methodical this time. I made three colors of icing: red, green and white. And I only used 3 cookie cutters: christmas trees, light bulbs and stockings. This made it much easier! Here are the beautiful results:

Not too shabby, eh? It was a lot of fun. We ended up giving 80% away so mom was okay keeping the remainder in the house because they were just that good!

Happy Baking!

Blizzard of '09!

Remember here where I posted about all the snow we were supposed to get?!

well you tell me...


do you think we got what they predicted?!


Yup. plus some. For the first time in my memory the forecasters actually predicted less then what fell. We awoke to about 20+ inches of snow! And yes, even on the shoreline where I reside. It was sah-weet! The pictures above were actually taken a full 24 hours after the storm hit. It took that long for my friend J to get over with his snow-blower because his plow broke. He and my brother spent quite a bit of time snow-blowing us out. Of course they weren't annoyed by M and I standing on the porch snapping pictures ;) Nah...not while they were freezing their butts off! Not us!


It was fun. We baked. We watched movies. We ate. We really enjoyed being snowed in during the Blizzard of '09.


And for the record it really was considered a blizzard!

Christmastime 2009

Christmas 2009 was wonderful. Although it was bitter, being the first without my dad, we all managed to remember him as he would want to be remembered. He would not want us mourning him on such a wonderful holiday. We spent time with family, friends and, of course, and lots of delicious food.

Mom on Christmas morning opening her stocking.

P starting on his pile of presents!

I gave mom a few "sentimental" gifts. One was a calender which I made at Walmart{dot}com. It came out really nice! She of course cried. and cried. and cried.

Then I also made her a book (courtesy of my Aunt S who is a Creative Memories distributor) that had all the pictures we used for the picture boards at my dad's wake. I really like how it came out! And of course, she cried some more.

Poppy & Grandma came over later in the day after our traditional egg dish breakfast and nap time :) Poppy is a seasoned gift guesser. I swear. Put any gift in front of him and he will tell you exactly what it is. Sometimes I wonder how he got so good?!

Here's Grandma opening up her gifts. She let Poppy open the "big" joint gifts because he gets about as excited as a small child. It's so cute.

This was mom's Yorkshire pudding. YOWSA! How amazing does that look?! (Mind you, thats coming from a girl who doesn't eat the stuff!) She did an awesome job. Everyone agreed that it was her best one yet! Although, somehow I think we agree to that every year.

After dinner M&J came over for dessert and some laughs. See the exhibit below:

This is M taking a picture of Poppy who fell asleep as the girls were cleaning up the kitchen. I will give him this though, mom bought him the "I-need" from Brookstone and he was "trying it out" and apparently it is amazing because he fell fast asleep. Too funny!

Last but not least we had this homemade chocolate cream pie for dessert. It's Poppy's favorite so I thought I'd try my hand at making a homemade version complete with homemade whipped cream on top. It was delicious, if I do say so myself!

All in all it was a wonderful Christmas. Filled to the brim with great family, great friends and great food!

 Christmastime truly is my favorite time of all!

Christmas with Jesus

This Christmas is a bit more difficult than others. This is the first Christmas without my Dad. Believe me, I know he is in a better place. I am thankful for that. I am thankful he is painless. I know he is here in spirit, believe me, I feel him often. I know he will always be watching from above and constantly looking out for my family and I. It doesn’t negate the difficulty in not having him here with us in person. It’s just different.

My mom actually put this poem in our stockings last year. We were celebrating Christmas without my Mimi for the first time. In no way did I imagine this year this poem would give me comfort in the loss of my Dad. I hope this poem will give someone else going through the same feeling of loss during this holiday season, as it did for my family and I.

Merry Christmas From Heaven

I still hear the songs,
I still see the lights

I still feel your love on cold wintery nights

I still share your hopes and all of your cares

I’ll even remind you to please say your prayers

I just want to tell you, You still make me proud

You stand head and shoulders above all the crowd

Keep trying each moment, to stay in His grace

I came here before you to help set your place

You don’t have to be perfect all of the time

He forgives you the slip, If you continue the climb

To my family and friends,

Please be thankful today

I’m still close beside you,

In a new special way

I love you all dearly,

Now don’t shed a tear

Cause I’m spending my

Christmas with Jesus this year.

-John Wm. Mooney, Jr,

This Christmas is different, and that’s okay. Life changes and evolves. I am so grateful for all of the Christmases that I was able to spend with my Dad. I will take comfort in the fact that he is spending Christmas with Jesus this year.

Merry Christmas All! Cherish all of your time with your family and loved ones! 

Happy Birthday Jesus!

Traditions.

It’s no secret. I love traditions. I love how the things we do today (Christmas Eve) and Christmas Day I have been doing (most) years since I was born. I one day hope to pass these traditions on to my future children. Here are a list of some of our family traditions:

- We all go to church as a family on Christmas Eve—to the 5 o’clock children’s mass. It’s a beautiful service. Mom and I sing and help in the Children’s Choir. There is also a live nativity during the homily. It really does a great job of reminding us the true reason of the season.

- A few weeks (sometimes days) before Christmas Mom (and usually my sister) and I bake and decorate a bunch of Christmas cookies. We give them out as gifts, eat a bunch and keep some to serve on Christmas Eve and Day. Its such a delicious tradition :)

-Our tree is decorated with the ornaments that my Mom has given us each year. Each year she would give my brother, sister and I all matching ornaments (or sometimes different ones). She put the year on the back of them and then when we get married or move out to our own place we each have a set of ornaments to start off our new tree. It’s so fun to look back each year as we decorate the tree and remember what was going on in our lives when we got the particular ornament.

-Christmas Day we are not allowed to open ANY gifts or even our stockings until my Mom (and used to be my Dad) were up, out of bed and watching. That was always the trick when we were younger. Usually my brother would wake up first then he’d come wake me up. Then we would both bombard my parents’ room and beg them to get up. Mind you, this was all before the sun even came up!

-Christmas dinner is always Prime rib and Yorkshire pudding. Other holiday’s the menus may vary but not Christmas Day. I hate prime rib, actually. But, its always what we have and believe me, I always survive ;)

- After the aforementioned Christmas Eve Mass we always toodle around town and look at the beautiful Christmas lights. It’s one of my most favorite things to do this time of year. We have our typical spots: Bishops Cove, Mullen Hill…etc. It is such a fun thing to do and we’ve been doing it since…well, since I can remember!

I am so grateful to my parents for making these traditions “ours.” I can’t wait to do these fun traditions, and probably create more, with my future family. Traditions really bring a family closer together and it is so fun to spend genuine family time during this time of the year and always! Yet, we must always remember the true meaning of the season. The birth of our Savior Jesus Christ!

I wish you and yours a very merry Christmas Eve! Enjoy all of your traditions with your family!

Life & Death.

This post will surely be controversial. So be warned. It is not a happy, Christmas-y post. A part of me debated whether or not to even share this. But, in the end, I decided I would.

It is, indeed, a controversial topic. And, I’m okay with that. I figure, this is my little space of the blog world so I will say what I want;

Controversial or not.

In my line of work I come across quite a bit of controversy. And believe me, that’s putting it nicely.

There are some instances in which I just let it roll. I try my hardest to let it go because if I take in every single little thing that bothers me and let it get to me it will eventually eat me alive.

Alas, there are something’s that really ‘yank my chain’ so to speak. They eat me away no matter how hard I try to overlook them. Even though the decision isn’t mine to make, I still let it bother me.

There is a pretty narrow balance between life and death, believe it or not. I’ve had the pleasure (or displeasure?...depends how you look at it)to help strike that balance to keep the patient alive and most importantly enjoying life. But, in some situations,* when the latter of the two seems imminent I don’t believe people should be kept alive just to be just that…kept alive.

* I am in no way referencing everyone. Especially children and young adults. Children and young adults are amazingly resilient. Children and young adults (in my humble opinion) should have every single option exercised (and then some) to keep them alive. Miracles do happen, everyday and they are incredibly resilient.

During my clinical experience (and during other times in the hospital, such as my time spent shadowing recently in the ICU) I have seen multiple patients who have either expressed their desire to “stop fighting” and die a dignified death, or, they’ve had a stroke or another major incident and are clinically brain dead with absolutely no quality of life and they’re family (because the patients are deemed incompetent) wants every stop pulled. They want them to have a full code status, tubes inserted into every orifice (sorry to be so blunt), invasive procedures performed and every conceivable medical intervention performed just to keep their family member alive…

and for what?!

I’ll tell you what: it really makes me wonder. Is it because they really believe a miracle will occur and they’re brain dead family member will miraculously be healed? That the cancer will just up and disappear? The infection that has raided their body will completely reverse itself? Most likely not. That may be what they tell you, but I beg to differ. I firmly believe, in most cases*, they are doing it for themselves. Not necessarily to be blatantly selfish, but basically that is what it comes down to. This is where I draw the line.

This is where it starts to hit me on a deep, personal level. When you find yourself questioning wether your family member would want to be kept alive int heir current condition please question yourself: are you being selfish? Is this really fair to do to someone you love so deeply?

*Don’t get me wrong. I believe in God’s miraculous healing powers. There is though, a practical, scientific side to me as well. I mean c’mon I’ve been through my fair share of science classes and there are some instances (usually in reference to older or compromised patients) where it is next to impossible for the patient to be healed, no matter how hard it may be to accept. Maybe, just maybe this is God calling that person home, maybe it is their time. And that is why God is giving them such dismal odds. He wants them home with Him.

And you ask why this is such a personal, touchy subject to me? I experienced it first hand, that’s why. I was privy to the many conversations both at our local hospital and Yale as to whether to place a “DNR-Do not recessutate” and “DNI-Do not intubate” order in my dad’s chart. Don’t get me wrong that is a tough decision to make when you are already so worn down from the everyday mundane tasks of continuing to live your life while having a seriously ill family member in the hospital. But, am I ever thankful that we did have these talks with my dad while he was with it. While he was able to give his two sense because, we listened. We have always been a relatively “open” family. And these instances at the hospital made me forever thankful for that attribute of my family.

Also, we did have to make the heart-wrenching decision to “pull the plug” so to speak. It was in absolutely no way easy and the decision didn’t come lightly, in any sense of the word. We sat and we talked, as a family, with the rational input of the doctors and we came to the decision that keeping my dad alive any longer would be only for our benefit. Because, he was not there any longer. His body was just his shell. We prayed and we came to the decision that this is what Dad would want. He would not want to be kept alive by every mechanical mean possible just to have a beating heart, functional lungs and mediocre organs with absolutely no quality of life whatsoever. The decision was made and I can say, with out a doubt, that we followed my Dad’s wishes. And that is something I am thankful and proud of.

Now, I totally understand that not all cases are as “cut and dry” as my Dad’s was. My Dad was a sick, actually a very sick (at the end), man. I understand that sometimes patients land themselves in intensive care units because of truly, unfortunate accidents and you may not have had the time to sit down and have the deep, intense conversations that we had the privilege to have with my Dad before things got really bad. And those cases, in my opinion, are the most unfortunate of all.

That is where my last point comes in. I know theses aren’t my decisions to make for you and your family (whoever may be reading this…) and usually aren’t my place to queue in with my humble little opinion. There is one thing I do ask though: Determine what your family wants and get it in writing. I don’t care if you are the healthiest person on planet Earth. Accidents happen, everyday, to anyone, and, believe me they do not discriminate. Sit down, have a heart to heart with those you love most. Find out the nitty, gritty details. What they want to have done, what they don’t want and under what circumstances. Talk before the times get tough, before these conversations are actually a necessity. I can’t express to you the complete importance of up-to-date living wills. It may not be easy but it is so important. It really is a matter of life and death.

Let. It. Snow!

The forecasters are predicting 12”+++ (and that is verbatim--directly from the mouths of those meteorologists) of the fluffy white stuff. That's quite an accumulation for our quiet corner of the state. Usually, we're lucky to get a dusting to an inch while the rest of the state gets comletely dumped on...So can I tell you how excited I am?!



Pretty darned excited!


That is, if it even snows. I remember one instance from my childhood… We were slated to get a huge HUGE BLIZZARD. I’m talking they talked it up and up and up. Everyone stayed home from school. The state basically shut down. Hah.



And we ended with a measly dusting. Seriously man?! Talk about a HUGE disappointment when you’re 10.



From that point forward I never quite trusted the weather forecasters. Because, remember, they’re job is the only job in which you can’t get fired (or even reprimanded), for being completely wrong time and again. So I’m pretty guarded when it comes to getting excited for a nice big ol’ nor’easter like this one is supposed to be.


If we do indeed end up with a foot plus of the white love I’ll be psyched and we’ll be snowed in! How fun!


I’ve got a few ideas of things I’d like to do. I plan to make cookies (but that involves a grocery store run and I’m pretty sure any and all grocery stores will be an absolute mad house today—it’ll be worth it—that’s what I’m telling myself anyways!), watch lots of movies, make a pot of homemade chicken noodle soup (which is simmering as I type), make homemade rolls and maybe even finish up my Christmas wrapping.



Oh how I would love a reason to stay inside and get things accomplished. Let’s all hope for my sake (and the sake of all the children who have their hopes up as I did that one year) that these good ol’ weather forecasters are dead on and we really do get dumped on! I sure wouldn’t mind!



xoJ