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Tag, I'm it....AGAIN :)

Tuesday, August 26, 2008
I am:watching tv in bed
I think: this semester is going to be hardddd
I know: i'll make it though it though
I have: the best family and friends in the world!
I wish: i knew what the future holds
I hate: my anxiety
I miss: mimi && garrison. and my sister & the girls
I fear:loosing my loved ones
I hear: my air conditioner rattling away
I smell:popcorn :)
I crave:carrot cake, random i know!
I search:for the one
I wonder: what my career will be, who i will marry, how many kids i'll have...
I regret:not sticking up for myself more often
I love: my famiyl & friends, near and far!
I ache:after i workout
I am not:someone i'm not
I believe: everything happens for a reason
I dance: in my car
I sing: in my car & in the shower
I cry: when i need to
I fight: rarely
I win:sometimes
I lose: sometimes
I never: regret (or try not to)
I always: try to take everyday as it comes
I confuse: my feelings sometimes
I listen: to a lot of different kinds of music
I can usually be found: with my friends or my family
I am scared: to loose loved ones
I need:to feel loved
I am happy about:my clean & organized room
I imagine:how accomplished i'll feel once i have my college degree!
I tag: anyone who reads this!

Dear Chloe

Monday, August 25, 2008

I can't believe today was your first day of preschool. It feels like just yesterday you were born. You're that little girl with a smile that could light up any room. You sure have been the bright spot in the past (almost) four years. Your giggle is contagious. You shine Chloe in everything you do. You are a very bright girl, you have been that way since the begining. You will go on to do big and brilliant things in your future. But, for now, enjoy your first year of preschool. I'm sure you will do great. I love you my little Chloe!!
Auntie Jamie

New Ideas

I'm going to change my blog up a bit.

Instead of writing the traditional way I am going to start writing letters. To anyone and anything. I find I can express my feelings much better that way. Plus I have a feeling it will help me to write more often. This may also help me get over the idea that each post has to have pictures. So here goes...

Dear Summer,

This summer has brought with it its fair share of tears and heartache. I surely have grown quite a bit since the end of last semester. I know God put these trials in my life for a reason. I know now with the closing of summer I am now able to close that chapter in my life and open a new one. I am starting a new semester at school with plenty to learn and keep me busy. My summer went super fast but I had plenty of time to relfect and feel all the grief that I was dealt. I learned alot about myself, my strength, my family, my friends. I bonded on a new level with many close friends and family members.

A counselor once told me that I need to learn to "suffer a loss." Well this summer has surely put alot of loss in my path. But I have learned, I have grown, I have suffered the loss. As much as I miss Gar and Mimi every single day I know that what I have gone through in this past summer has changed me as a person. Learning something from the most difficult of situations helps to heal a wounded soul, sew up a broken heart and ultimately move on.

So in short. Summer you have been a huge learning experience for me. Beyond all the loss I suffered I also became a CNA (and passed my state test!!), got to spend two amazing, happy, fun-filled weeks with my sister and two nieces, worked alot, and made plenty of new friends. So as much as it sounds I had such a terrible summer I didn't. Summer you treated me well you proved to me even as hard and difficult as certain days may be the sun always rises the next morning to remind you "life will go on."

Until next time.


You Learn...

Sunday, August 24, 2008
I found this poem while going through my Mimi's condo and it really did hit home for me.

After awhile you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean learning,
And company doesn't mean security.
And you being to learn that kisses aren't contracts,
And presents aren't promises
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open,
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all your roads on today
becasue tomorrow's ground is to uncertain for plans.
And futures have a way of falling in mid-flight
After awhile you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate
your own soul, instead of waiting fof someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure,
That you really are strong,
And you really do have worth,
And you learn and learn....
With every goodbye....
You learn.