Happy Birthday Gar

One year ago...

On his birthday last year Gar wanted a Rubiks Cube cake. So I tried my hardest to replicate the Rubiks Cube :)

Last Halloween Gar and I carved pumpkins together...it was a lot of fun! :)

This was taken in New Hampshire last October. It is definately a typical Gar picture :) Oh how i miss his funny antics!

Well today would have been gar's 23rd birthday. Today many, many memories flood back of great times we shared together. He loved this time of year. He loved Halloween and always thought he was lucky to have Halloween and his birthday so close together. He had told me last year, that this year for halloween, he wanted to find a big box and paint it like a Rubiks cube...if that doesn't sound like Gar then I don't know what does! :) It was also about this time last year that he, Sara and I all went camping in New Hampshire. What a fun time we had. He loved camping and the fall foliage was amazing. Even though we were iceicles when we woke up, I guess camping in october in New Hampshire wasn't the warmest idea! Another great memory was when gar insisted that we carved pumpkins around Halloween time last year. It was alot of fun, even though Gar's looked 10X better than mine! haha!

It is comforting to know that Gar is happy now, afterall that is all I ever wanted for him. He had a wonderful heart. I was lucky to have known gar, lucky to have felt his love, lucky to have spent many fun times together. I will never forget him and all he taught and gave me. Today on his birthday I remember him just as much as any other day. There isn't a day that goes by when I don't think about him and miss his smile, his laugh, his jokes and hearing about his dreams. Such dreams as driving an Audi, going into space, having a family of his own. I will always hold Gar deep in my heart, on his birthday, and every other day of the year. I love you Gar!

Happy Birthday!!!

Update...Update...Get your update!

Once again it has been a crazy week around here. Dad is back in the hospital. He was doing fantastically until Wednesday night. He just said he was feeling "under the weather." Well once again, that "under the weather thing" just happened to be his body retaining fluid. Another "side effect" of the chemo...the drug that is doing so wonderfully combating his cancer. Anyways. He, luckily, had an appointment with Dr. Millstein (cardiologist) who is an exceptional doctor. He insisted dad be admitted because his heart rate was in the 40's (about half of what is healthy). Due to this low heart rate his kidney started failing. As some may know, dad only has one kidney. He was born with one kidney therefore he has had to take extra careful care of the one kidney he still has. With this they addmitted him to C.C.U (basically ICU for coronary patients). His renal (kidney) sepecialist came in and shocked us when she said his kindey was only working at 20%. NOT GOOD.

Then there was a miracle.

His heart went into a sinus (normal rhythm). No more atrial fibrolation! Mind you, he has been in atrial fibrolation since his chemo began. Bascially A.fib as it is called is fluttering of the atrial chambers of the heart. They aren't as strong as they once were and can not give a strong pump as they should. But his nurse realized a legitimate "P wave" on his heart monitor and called the doctors in. Sure enough, for no known reason his heart bounced out of A.fib. This meant that his heart went from the 40's to the 70-80's! Wonderful! With this his kidney function jumed to 39% and things started to look up.

Even though he is not in Afib anymore. Being the exceptional doctor that he is Dr. Millstein still wants to put a pacemaker in on Monday. No more rush as there was before. So Monday dad will be under the knife once again. It is hoped that this device will keep his heart beating high enough to keep his other vital organs doing well. That way there is no worries of heartrates in the 40's anymore. If it drops below a certain bpm it gives his heart a wee little shock and bam he's back pumping at normal speed :)

As long as his bloodthinner levels are at the correct levels on monday he will be having his surgery. please keep him and our family in your prayers.

Sure this is just another "bump in the road" so to speak. It is very difficult to see my dad so sick. I miss him around the house. But I must say he is a strong, strong man. He takes all of these issues in stride and never looses his spunk :)

thank you to everyone for your continued support, our family couldn't do it without all the prayers and support!

xoxo

Do It :)

4 PLACES I VISIT OVER AND OVER
1. Avery Point
2. Three Rivers
3. Walmart
4. Curves in Mystic
4 PEOPLE WHO CALL/TEXT/EMAIL ME REGULARLY
1. Monica
2. Chelsey
3. Catlin
4. Jeannie
4 FAVORITE FOODS
1. Chicken
2. Mac & Cheese
3. Green Peppers
4. Chocolate Covered Strawberries
4 PLACES I WOULD RATHER BE
1. Georgia
2. New Jersey
3. Hawaii
4. a cruise ship :)
4 MOVIES I WOULD WATCH OVER AND OVER
1. Juno
2. My Girl (1&2)
3. The Notebook
4. Rent
4 BANDS/GROUPS I LOVE TO LISTEN TO
1. Rascal Flatts
2. Jack Johnson
3. Colbie Callat
4. Jewel

Dear Volkswagon,

I really do love you. Call my crazy but I am sure loyal to Volkswagon. And that shiny 2006 Jetta 2.5L 5 cylinder above may be mine...sooner rather than later ;)

Guys, keep your fingers croseed the loan comes through!

Dear past two months,

Gar and I on a fun snow day :)-- Gar attempted to teach me to drive "better" in the snow (er...ice)


Christmas Day 2007-- Gar insisted that my mom get us matching Boston Red Sox hats :)

These past two months have been extremely difficult. At times I sat in disbelief wondering if he was really gone, wondering if I would really not be able to talk to him again. But reality has its harsh bite and I remember, it's true. Two months ago today my best friend went to a better place. The time since he past hasn't been easy. Sure, I take comfort in the small feelings of his presence. I have had dreams with him in them, I have visited my Mimi and felt him there. But it does not take away the broken heart I am learning to mend. This was the first time in my life I have had a legitimate "broken heart." My mom says she felt the same way when Mimi passed. There is no other way to explain it other than you feel like your heart has been shattered. This world isn't fair, there are rough spots, and the world is far from perfect. Beyond that God does send comforting feelings. I know Gar is in a better place. But that will never take away how much I miss the guy. That will never take away my yearning for one more conversation, one more "i love you," one more hug, or one more laugh. If there is one way I could sum up these past two months it would be that "time does heal even the deepest wounds." I know I will get through this, sure there were times when I wonder why I was given this trial and I wish I didn't have to go through these deep, painful feelings. I do know, though, that this will only make me a stronger person. Eventually I will be able to let go of these intense emotions that come with loosing someone so close to me and be able to live in the comfort of his spirit until I can see him and be with him again.

I love you Gar and you will forever live on in my heart.
xoxo

Dear Pleasure Beach,

Summer's end is drawing near. As this was my nineteenth summer enjoying you thanks for all the fun in the sun you provide and have provided through the years. Until next year.

Dear Surveys,

I have quite the obsession going with you right now. I just can't get enough.

Rules:
1. You have to post these rules before you give the facts.
2. Players, you must list one fact that is somehow relevant to your life for each letter of your middle name. If you don’t have a middle name, use the middle name you would have liked to have had.
3. When you are tagged you need to write your own blog-post containing your own middle name game facts.
4. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.
ANNE-- A-Always trying to have fun! N- never likes yelling N- nutella and banana sandwiches rock! E-Everyday Italian is a fabulous show!
1. Do you like cheese? yes, too much
2. Have you ever been arrested? no way
3. Have you ever shot a gun? nope
4. Your favorite song? Jewel- Stronger woman
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?sometimes. actually alot. i have this completely unrational fear that the doc will tell me I have 6 months to live or something
6. What do you think of when you eat hot dogs?um, yum?!
7. What's your favorite Christmas song? All I Want For Christmas is You. And anything off the Jessica Simpson Christmas CD ;)
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? coffee some mornings, DP others, and water others
9. Can you do push ups? um, the female version. I could prolly pump out a few of those.
10. Is your bathroom clean? yeah it is actually
11. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? the aquamarine ring gar gave me & the love life/be brave ring aunt Cathy gave me when Gar passed
12. Favorite Hobby? spending time with friends. shopping. crafty stuff
13. What are you listening to right now? Love song by leona lewis?
14.What is the last thing you ate? mom made french toast, i know...she's the best!
15. What one trait do you hate about yourself? my anxiety
16. Middle Name? Anne
17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? I should get my butt in gear and go to the beach. i need to hook up my printer to my laptop. i should make my bed.
18. Name the last 3 things you have bought. paperclips, a DP, desk organizers all at walmart last night :)
19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink. H2O, DP, Seltzer
20. Current worry right now? classes tomorrow
21. Current hate? people who don't text back....EVER
22. Favorite place to be? relaxing on the beach
23. How did you bring in the New Year? at Matt's house.
24. What is your quirkiest habit?I can't stand people who don't match
25. Name three people who will complete this and return? I doubt anyone will. unless they have all this free time like me :)
26. How many siblings do you have?1 older sister 1 younger brother and 1 older brother in law
27. Do you own slippers?yeah
28. What shirt are you wearing? my royal carribean shirt from one of my cruises
29. What shampoo do you use? ummm, i am not sure the brand. Its from Lisa's shop and its Mango Coconut scent...YUM!
30. Favorite colors? pink, orange, yellow, aqua...
31. Would you like to be a pirate? no thanks
32. What songs do you sing in the shower? anything that's in my head
33. Favorite girl name? Mackenzie
34. Favorite male name? Brendan
35. What's in your pockets right now? sweatpants=no pockets :(
36. Last thing that made you laugh? my mom telling me about her detectiveness
37. Best bed sheets as a child? LITTLE MERMAID!
38. Worst injury you've ever had? my knee injury- well its more like a congentive knee problem that my mom was so gracious to pass to me. I have a flat knee cap. but, soccer always just made it 150X worse.
39. When's your birthday? June 10 baby!
40. How many TVs do you have in your house?6 i believe?
41. Who is your loudest friend? um not sure
42. There is no 42
43. Does someone have a crush on you? doubt it
44. Do you wish on shooting stars?yeah
45.What is your favorite book ? Complications: notes from a young surgeon. yes i know, i belong in the medical field. somewhere, somehow
46.What is your favorite age? I like my age
47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding?lost in the moment by Big and Rich
48. What song do you want played at your funeral?i try not to think about that.
49. What were you doing at 12 am this morning? talking to brian (he's home from Iraq!!) or sleeping
50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up? i'm going back to sleep!

I tag anyone who wants to waste their time filling this baby out ;)