730.

It has been 730 days since my dad’s cancer diagnosis.

This time of the year brings with it a lot of emotions. I am utterly amazed how much my life has changed in the last 730 days. It doesn’t seem like much but my life has unfolded in a way that I so never-in-a-million years would have expected. Yet, I am thankful for these past 730 days. I have been down the darkest paths of my life, I have faced the deepest valleys. I have cried myself to sleep many of times. I have wanted to wake up and find that what I was living was all a dream. My dad really was sick, he really was fighting the battle of his life and he really lose his battle to that terrible “C” word. Unfortunately, life is not like that. You can’t run out when the going gets tough.

I have grown closer to my family, friends but more importantly God. I know God has carried me through the darkest moments such as when I was standing there holding my dads hand knowing that things couldn’t get much worse and that it would probably be the last time I would ever see my dad alive and breathing. I remember that instance as clear as day. It stings to even think about that day or those moments. There is so much more I would have loved to tell my dad. There was so much more of my life I wish I could have shared with my dad.

God had other plans. I must accept these plans and never forget but learn to move on. I credit my friends and my family for lifting my spirits when I have been down. They have been that shoulder to cry on. They have listened to me when, quite frankly, I wouldn’t have listened to myself. These 730 days have definitely shown me who cares about me. I am thankful for that and for all of them. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I could not have made it through this past two years without each and every one of them.

Many days I can only take a moment at a time. I have learned that is okay. Other days come and go with only a few (if any) deep, harsh memories of the past. Again, I have learned; that’s okay. Some days my mom and I hug and cry for no reason other than we both miss dad. Both of our lives are a little bit dimmer now that he isn’t around. And, that’s okay.

I have learned all that I am feeling in these past 730 days is okay. Life does go on. The sun does rise the next day no matter what happened the night before. It may be difficult but in the end everything is okay.