I am:watching tv in bed
I think: this semester is going to be hardddd
I know: i'll make it though it though
I have: the best family and friends in the world!
I wish: i knew what the future holds
I hate: my anxiety
I miss: mimi && garrison. and my sister & the girls
I fear:loosing my loved ones
I hear: my air conditioner rattling away
I smell:popcorn :)
I crave:carrot cake, random i know!
I search:for the one
I wonder: what my career will be, who i will marry, how many kids i'll have...
I regret:not sticking up for myself more often
I love: my famiyl & friends, near and far!
I ache:after i workout
I am not:someone i'm not
I believe: everything happens for a reason
I dance: in my car
I sing: in my car & in the shower
I cry: when i need to
I fight: rarely
I win:sometimes
I lose: sometimes
I never: regret (or try not to)
I always: try to take everyday as it comes
I confuse: my feelings sometimes
I listen: to a lot of different kinds of music
I can usually be found: with my friends or my family
I am scared: to loose loved ones
I need:to feel loved
I am happy about:my clean & organized room
I imagine:how accomplished i'll feel once i have my college degree!
I tag: anyone who reads this!
Dear Chloe
Monday, August 25, 2008
I can't believe today was your first day of preschool. It feels like just yesterday you were born. You're that little girl with a smile that could light up any room. You sure have been the bright spot in the past (almost) four years. Your giggle is contagious. You shine Chloe in everything you do. You are a very bright girl, you have been that way since the begining. You will go on to do big and brilliant things in your future. But, for now, enjoy your first year of preschool. I'm sure you will do great. I love you my little Chloe!!
xoxo
Auntie Jamie
New Ideas
I'm going to change my blog up a bit.
Instead of writing the traditional way I am going to start writing letters. To anyone and anything. I find I can express my feelings much better that way. Plus I have a feeling it will help me to write more often. This may also help me get over the idea that each post has to have pictures. So here goes...
Dear Summer,
This summer has brought with it its fair share of tears and heartache. I surely have grown quite a bit since the end of last semester. I know God put these trials in my life for a reason. I know now with the closing of summer I am now able to close that chapter in my life and open a new one. I am starting a new semester at school with plenty to learn and keep me busy. My summer went super fast but I had plenty of time to relfect and feel all the grief that I was dealt. I learned alot about myself, my strength, my family, my friends. I bonded on a new level with many close friends and family members.
A counselor once told me that I need to learn to "suffer a loss." Well this summer has surely put alot of loss in my path. But I have learned, I have grown, I have suffered the loss. As much as I miss Gar and Mimi every single day I know that what I have gone through in this past summer has changed me as a person. Learning something from the most difficult of situations helps to heal a wounded soul, sew up a broken heart and ultimately move on.
So in short. Summer you have been a huge learning experience for me. Beyond all the loss I suffered I also became a CNA (and passed my state test!!), got to spend two amazing, happy, fun-filled weeks with my sister and two nieces, worked alot, and made plenty of new friends. So as much as it sounds I had such a terrible summer I didn't. Summer you treated me well you proved to me even as hard and difficult as certain days may be the sun always rises the next morning to remind you "life will go on."
Until next time.
xoxoxo
Jamie
Instead of writing the traditional way I am going to start writing letters. To anyone and anything. I find I can express my feelings much better that way. Plus I have a feeling it will help me to write more often. This may also help me get over the idea that each post has to have pictures. So here goes...
Dear Summer,
This summer has brought with it its fair share of tears and heartache. I surely have grown quite a bit since the end of last semester. I know God put these trials in my life for a reason. I know now with the closing of summer I am now able to close that chapter in my life and open a new one. I am starting a new semester at school with plenty to learn and keep me busy. My summer went super fast but I had plenty of time to relfect and feel all the grief that I was dealt. I learned alot about myself, my strength, my family, my friends. I bonded on a new level with many close friends and family members.
A counselor once told me that I need to learn to "suffer a loss." Well this summer has surely put alot of loss in my path. But I have learned, I have grown, I have suffered the loss. As much as I miss Gar and Mimi every single day I know that what I have gone through in this past summer has changed me as a person. Learning something from the most difficult of situations helps to heal a wounded soul, sew up a broken heart and ultimately move on.
So in short. Summer you have been a huge learning experience for me. Beyond all the loss I suffered I also became a CNA (and passed my state test!!), got to spend two amazing, happy, fun-filled weeks with my sister and two nieces, worked alot, and made plenty of new friends. So as much as it sounds I had such a terrible summer I didn't. Summer you treated me well you proved to me even as hard and difficult as certain days may be the sun always rises the next morning to remind you "life will go on."
Until next time.
xoxoxo
Jamie
You Learn...
Sunday, August 24, 2008
I found this poem while going through my Mimi's condo and it really did hit home for me.
After awhile you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn't mean learning,
And company doesn't mean security.
And you being to learn that kisses aren't contracts,
And presents aren't promises
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open,
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all your roads on today
becasue tomorrow's ground is to uncertain for plans.
And futures have a way of falling in mid-flight
After awhile you learn that even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate
So you plant your own garden and decorate
your own soul, instead of waiting fof someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure,
That you really are strong,
And you really do have worth,
And you learn and learn....
With every goodbye....
You learn.
Garrison Brent Childs
Friday, July 18, 2008
October 28th 1985- July 2nd 2008On July 2nd I lost one of my best friends. As many may already know Gar passed away peacefully at his home in Utah. He and I have been best friends for quite some time and we dated for just under two years. Gar had a wonderfully large heart and he truely taught me the meaning of unconditonal love.
He battled a long, hard fight with Bi-polar disorder and now he is free from all of the confines of that horrible mental illness. Even with all the ups and downs he faced he had a wonderful smile and laugh that could light up the room.
Gar was the type of person that wanted to help everyone. He always put others before his self and took time to show he cared. I will never forget the amazing times we had whether we were camping in New Hampshire or going to Troys (our favorite resturant) we always had a fun time. I will never forget these memories and I will forever be thankful for all he taught me.
In the time I knew him we became extremely close and no one will ever be able to fill the void he left but I luckily feel peace knowing he is in a much better place and is no longer suffering.
Because of the graciousness of his wonderful family my mom and I were able to fly out for the viewing and funeral. Both of which brought both closure and peace. A part of my heart is now in Heaven and I find peace in the fact that one day we will meet again.
I love you garrison!
Hello again...
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
So I firgured it was about time I jump back into this blogging world.
At about 8 tomorrow night Monica & I will be off for our big adventure! I can't wait to see the Schneiderman family. I miss those chica's so much! Today on the phone Chloe couldn't stop talking about how excited she was to see "auntie and monica" and then she told my mom she wishes Georgia and Connecticut were next to eachother...quite a complicated thought for a 3 year old :) those little girls sure amaze me ;)
In other news, Pops is doing well. He's on his way to Dana Farber Cancer Center in Boston with mom today to determine if he is a canidate for a bone marrow transplant (bmt). That will largely determine his treatment/the next year or so. If he is a canidate, Boston will likely become our home away from home. But one thing at a time :)
I finished my CNA course two weeks ago. I will get my "state test date" shortly. I can work 120 days on my certificate. When I get back from my GA/FL adventure I'll start applying around to nursing homes since they only want experienced CNA's at the hospital.
Other than that I have been spending lots of time with my amazing friends, missing mimi alot, and getting geared up for our amazing trip.
I'll attempt to blog while I'm away but who knows because we have a crazy busy schedule while there.
'till then.
At about 8 tomorrow night Monica & I will be off for our big adventure! I can't wait to see the Schneiderman family. I miss those chica's so much! Today on the phone Chloe couldn't stop talking about how excited she was to see "auntie and monica" and then she told my mom she wishes Georgia and Connecticut were next to eachother...quite a complicated thought for a 3 year old :) those little girls sure amaze me ;)
In other news, Pops is doing well. He's on his way to Dana Farber Cancer Center in Boston with mom today to determine if he is a canidate for a bone marrow transplant (bmt). That will largely determine his treatment/the next year or so. If he is a canidate, Boston will likely become our home away from home. But one thing at a time :)
I finished my CNA course two weeks ago. I will get my "state test date" shortly. I can work 120 days on my certificate. When I get back from my GA/FL adventure I'll start applying around to nursing homes since they only want experienced CNA's at the hospital.
Other than that I have been spending lots of time with my amazing friends, missing mimi alot, and getting geared up for our amazing trip.
I'll attempt to blog while I'm away but who knows because we have a crazy busy schedule while there.
'till then.
Tag I'm It
Sunday, May 25, 2008
What time did you get up this morning? 10ish
What do you usually have for breakfast? usually cereal sometimes an english muffin
What is your favorite CD at the moment?JACK JOHNSON
What kind of car do you drive? '98 volkswagon passat
Favorite sandwich? chicken salad, no mustard/tom from PANERA :) (turkey otherwise)
Favorite item of clothing? my light pair of jeans that are ripping :(
If you could go anywhere in the world for a vacation, where would you go? Georgia to see my nieces...or a European cruise would be nice!
What color is your bathroom?mine is tanish/sponged...downstairs is light blue sponged w/ silver
Where would you retire? near my future kids/grandkids
Most memorable birthday? my sweet sixteen, my mom woke up and i came downstairs to see my passat sitting in the driveway with a big red bow on top :)
Favorite sport to watch?football
Are you a morning person or a night person? morning, usually.
What is your shoe size?9ish
Pets? toby and we inherited Buddy when my mimi past
What did you want to be when you were little?a teacher
What are you today?a circuit tech and soon to be CNA
What is your favorite candy? Lindt white chocolate w/ coconut bar
Your favorite flower? i love flowers, my favorite are Gerber Daisies though
What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? June 10 its my birthday :)
What are you listening to right now?my mom vacuuming the entire house with her new Dyson
What is the last thing you ate?Rita's Italian Ice
Do you wish on stars? sometimes
What faith are you? I'm Catholic
Who was the last person you spoke with on the phone?monica
Hair Color? dirty blonde
Name of your favorite school teacher? Mr. Cannemella or Ms Collins
Chocolate or vanilla? vanilla
When was the last time you cried? today when my sis and the girls left
What is under your bed? lots and lots of stuff
What did you do last night? hung out with some favorites
Favorite smell? the BEACH!
What are you afraid of? bugs, spiders, snakes
How many towns have you lived in? 1
Do you make friends easily? for the most part
I tag anyone who wants to do it! :)
What do you usually have for breakfast? usually cereal sometimes an english muffin
What is your favorite CD at the moment?JACK JOHNSON
What kind of car do you drive? '98 volkswagon passat
Favorite sandwich? chicken salad, no mustard/tom from PANERA :) (turkey otherwise)
Favorite item of clothing? my light pair of jeans that are ripping :(
If you could go anywhere in the world for a vacation, where would you go? Georgia to see my nieces...or a European cruise would be nice!
What color is your bathroom?mine is tanish/sponged...downstairs is light blue sponged w/ silver
Where would you retire? near my future kids/grandkids
Most memorable birthday? my sweet sixteen, my mom woke up and i came downstairs to see my passat sitting in the driveway with a big red bow on top :)
Favorite sport to watch?football
Are you a morning person or a night person? morning, usually.
What is your shoe size?9ish
Pets? toby and we inherited Buddy when my mimi past
What did you want to be when you were little?a teacher
What are you today?a circuit tech and soon to be CNA
What is your favorite candy? Lindt white chocolate w/ coconut bar
Your favorite flower? i love flowers, my favorite are Gerber Daisies though
What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? June 10 its my birthday :)
What are you listening to right now?my mom vacuuming the entire house with her new Dyson
What is the last thing you ate?Rita's Italian Ice
Do you wish on stars? sometimes
What faith are you? I'm Catholic
Who was the last person you spoke with on the phone?monica
Hair Color? dirty blonde
Name of your favorite school teacher? Mr. Cannemella or Ms Collins
Chocolate or vanilla? vanilla
When was the last time you cried? today when my sis and the girls left
What is under your bed? lots and lots of stuff
What did you do last night? hung out with some favorites
Favorite smell? the BEACH!
What are you afraid of? bugs, spiders, snakes
How many towns have you lived in? 1
Do you make friends easily? for the most part
I tag anyone who wants to do it! :)
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