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Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Today I had yet another counseling session. This is nothing new, I’ve been seeing a grief counselor, I'll refer to her as Dr. N, for some time since my Father's passing. She's awesome. She has helped me through a very difficult time. She has aided me in bettering myself. We have talked about some deep stuff, really deep stuff. We have dug up lots of my past that I have now learned affects who I am and what I do to this day. Today, though, at counseling I had somewhat of an epiphany.

Let’s start with the beginning…the reason this was even talked about to begin with. Lately, with any break-up I have been involved in, whether it is my doing or his, it has literally crushed me. Now, sure, some of it has to do with the depths of grief I am still dealing with but this latest break-up with Keith has been especially difficult. I realized, with the help of Dr. N, that I hate goodbyes because of the sheer finality of the goodbyes I have been forced to say in the past 18 months. In my mind every goodbye is final. And I am learning that is okay. But what I am also learning is that these goodbyes aren’t as final as I may have once thought they were.

See, that is where the title of this post comes in...


I realized today, that I am able to carry pieces of every single person I have lost in my life. Not just pieces of my Dad, Mimi and Gar but of everyone that I have had to part ways with for one reason or another. These pieces are memories and thoughts that I have of these people. These pieces are also lessons learned and tidbits of wisdom I have taken from these people.

The greatest part of this new concept is that these pieces can never, ever, ever be taken away from me. That is something that I take comfort in. These pieces are what comfort me when I am sad, they bring me up when I am down and they keep the memory of whomever it may be alive in my mind. I am forever grateful for Dr. N because she opened my eyes and made me realize that although these people may not be tangible in my life they are all very much still here. It is inevitable that I will say many more goodbyes in my lifetime but from now on I know that I will forever be able to keep their pieces with me. And, that in itself, gives me great comfort.

For pieces of me are still with them and pieces of them will forever be a part of me.

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